Wildself Adventure - my own reflection
Wildself Adventure guided by yours truly March 2019, and this reflection written by same :). With love, Sonia Waters.
“This weekend I am guiding two men and a dog.”
To prepare … Craniosacral massage, river swims, write, meditate, muse… and joke a little with friends about taking two men and a dog into the hills! One man and his dog, I had never met before. Friends meeting for the first time. Body hug. A meal together. All four of us share introductory stories. Sleep. Wake. River swim. Now that we have been in water, I feel the ease, flow, fun begin.
My stone circle words… ease, wisdom, trust.
The four of us journeyed together, four animals in the hills. Learning to breathe into our bellies, feel into our bodies, which parts need some attention, breathe into the parts of our bodies that need some healing love. Walk, breathe, open, heal.
Walking with many personalities… catastrophiser, conspiracy theorist, the joker, warrior, scout, hunter, the curious intelligent one, the talker, the recluse… among the ancient stones with their faces, stories, history, wisdom. Wind whistling through the stones and the tussock. Barron land and her songs of silence. Sun, her golden warmth and moving shadows. Moon and her fellow shooting stars amidst the Milky Way.
We approach the hut, hopeful of being the only ones there. But a pair of boots at the door says we are not alone. A traveller from the Czech Republic has stilted English and a quiet demeanour, we chat then he recedes into his bunk, a fly on the wall as the three of us talk about our day. The meditation in the stone temple. The feelings, emotions, place. The Wheel of Consent conversation leads us to sharing confusing messages from potential lovers… sharing as tribe now, our connections deepen. Three hunters, a fire outside, a few beerzies and the mood shifts, our chat is now surface deep, lively and social.
Sleep routines in a hut are shared privacy. Quiet descends to sleeping bag shuffles, tossing turning and then snoring. The fire I lit has turned this snuffling shuffling silence into a frustrating furnace. “For goodness sake” I say out loud, pack up my gear and drag my house outside. Sheltered from the cold breeze I lay down amongst the tussocks, and simply marvel at the clear sky, cool air, shooting stars, depth and patchy flow of the Milky Way. At 1500m above the Maniototo plains this is as clear as I have ever seen the night sky.
I feel. Feel the stars above and earth below, feel their gravity, am weightless between their equal pull, drifting, floating I feel the cells in my body, vibrating. I feel the muscles in my jaw and neck as I drift into thought, they are tight, feel their tightness and turn my attention to the vibrations and everything falls away, melting, floating, softness. I take a while to sleep but move between thought and tightness, and vibration and soft meltedness, and realise “this is a thing” 😊 This is magic in my body.
Cellular vibrations melt tensions
Consciousness thaws thought
A sound in the darkness, crackling, shuffling, a little distant, what is it? The hunters are up, lighting the fire for their bacon and eggs… at 4am… Okay, fine, drift back to meltedness. Sounds come closer and I look out from my downy bag to a man approaching me “excuse me” I say with sharp awakeness “if you are coming here to pee, don’t do it here!” Hardened hunter turned innocent child “oh, oh ah sorry… I , I was just going for a walk…” hmm, no rain on me mutters Queen Tussock Bitch.
Head torches disappear into the dark, up the hills, making their way to deer territory. My transmission to an earlier group on the Hunter and the Hunted came to mind. Hunting is something I imagine. I feel the senses awaken, body fully alive as we stalk the lands and forests with wild animals, I remember shooting possums and rabbits with Dad as a child, I play with this aliveness in other realms. I don’t want to play with it in this physical world now though; I want to hang out with the wild animals, to be a wild animal, I don’t want to hunt them.
Feeling wild in the body, free of the constraints imposed by our daily world, having permission to BE free, given the focus on BEING wild …. Brings us to our sexual energy. Simple tingling softness energy. Gentle free subtle sexual energy. Wild animal fucking energy. When we walk consciously, feeling every movement, every breath, focusing our attention on here and now, our movement stimulates our sex, our focus grows our pleasure. By the time we reached our meditation temple if the others were like me, Eros was in the air…. The meditation gave us permission to touch our bodies, to grow the energy in our genitals, our base, arse, cock, yoni, touch feel, be in our aroused free bodies… And then … then we let that energy flow into other parts of our bodies, let the vibrations tingle out to our fingers and toes, into our heart, throat, third eye… wherever your body wants that stimulating healing energy to flow… Make sounds, move on all fours, be what you want to be…. In the safety of the temple we each had our own adventure, private, personal, deep, expansive and new.
After a gentle circle of soft connection, one man stood up slowly, with purpose, and gentle steps he stood atop the rock. In Maori, he called his ancestors, the spirits, his god, he called with power, tenderness, and such beauty; tears flowed down my cheeks, emotion filled my throat, silence filled the air and the breeze sang back to us. The spirits touch each of us. Filling our hearts with love.
All the while, the dog, alert, present, attentive, held space for us. She sat in circle with us, she was the fourth corner, she was the centre in the triangle, she was the wolf of our humanity. We were a pack with her. She was tribe with us. We were four animals journeying through sacred lands. We will be forever connected by experience and wild.
River floating that evening was sublime.
After deep immersion, nature just gets more powerful, with your senses awakened, everything is magical, relaxation is immediate and deep. Earlier in the week, the rain fell in massive volume, it washed out a major West Coast bridge, all rivers at flood level, heaving, boiling, powerful, full. If you have emotion that needs to be released, go to water. If you have tension to let go of, head for the river. If you are already swimming in life’s glory, take care as the river is a powerful and dangerous creature, treat her with love and respect equally. In flood, more than ever.
As I eased my body into the cold water I reminded myself the cold is only at my skin, breathe and stay warm within. The wide open river flows freely and quickly with smooth surface, grace and ease. I laid my head back and felt my tail and legs lift with every inbreath, and lower slightly with the outbreath. Weightless. Watching the sky and trees float by, I flew like a bird, swam like a fish, and sang like a goddess! I listened to the stones shifting rumbling below me and dreamed of more… more journeys like this. More love, more passion, more pleasure. Sharing this simple wisdom with others. Freeing human lives from the chains of domestication. Enabling the power of nature to do her magic on those tangled in concrete jungles.
I received from participants more magic…
“… the energy moved from my genitals to my heart, my heart wanted to burst with love and emotion, I have never experienced anything like this before.”
“…this place returned me to innocence as if I was back in the womb with my life stretching before me with so many roads to choose…”
“…meditations among the stones, the wind whistling through the tussocks, we sat in circles and connected with ourselves, with each other and with nature… Nature is healing. To sit quietly, to share, to listen are equally so.”
“…Sounding vibrations along with her instructions to find and be your primal and Wildself. A dimension in oneself that is infinitely more vast than the surrounding openness of the wild Central Otago Country itself.
It must be said heaven is not a location, but an inner realm of consciousness. On this journey Sonia will take you there.”