Tears and tingles
Imagine visiting a somatic sexologist and I wonder if you conjure pictures of a goddess creature working sexy magic on her clients; certainly some Instagram images of #sexcoach show just such scenes. Let me be straight and say that is not what you get with me. As a #somaticsexologist my focus is on bringing the whole soma to life, coaching people on the somatic dance between the physical, emotional, thinking, spiritual, and erotic bodies, guiding them to a sense of freedom which then allows erotic pleasure expansion. I am an every-day woman coaching every-day people in some of the most sacred moments and precious learning in their lives.
Most people contact me because they feel their sex lives could be better and that they want deeper connection with their intimate partners. They often know what they need to do; unlock years of physical pain or emotional tension, or get out of their heads and into their bodies. The problem is, they don’t know how. After years of holding it all together, packing it in with shut downs and closed doors, these patterns become normal and relationships get stuck. Sometimes manifests as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction for men, and unattainable orgasms or loss of libido for women.
So where does a somatic sexologist start with this kind of client work? The very start is to say that all work is client led. I offer ideas and suggestions and the client chooses what they feel they need on that day, in that moment. Two very useful starting places for people in this situation can be learning to breathe and holding. Holding another person with both people’s boundaries and consent communicated, allows the person being held to fully experience receiving, which “givers” can find difficult, and something extraordinary happens.
The person being held is encouraged to feel every sensation in the body, down-regulate with breath and with other techniques they frequently report feeling safe. When I feel emotion rise in my body it often is a mirror of their emotion rising. When I draw their attention to this, they locate the sensations in their body and place their hands there. Without attaching a story to the feeling, they notice sensations, and then often the tears will release years of blockages in silent streams or vocal sobbing. They may journey into their childhood happy place, see themselves and experience love in a deeply embodied way. Being held throughout this trance-like state allows the person to go deep and really experience what is there.
On the other side of tears … are very often tingles in the fingers, toes, face, throat, or all over tingles. Almost always there is a sense of ease and softness in all parts of the body. Clients report feeling emotions like happiness or joy which I encourage back to what they feel like in the body. The experience is re-wired with time spent lying in stillness as I sit separately and hold the space for this transformative integration. Embodiment practices of their own design emerge from this work and help take it to the next level in daily life.
While someone may arrive in my studio saying they want to be better at regulating their orgasmicity, the starting place is often in learning to down-regulate, connect with curiosity, and release tears to allow the flow of tingles. Sometimes we need to go back in order to grow forward.
Take care on your journey and do contact me if this resonates with you.
Warm wishes,
Sonia.
